Thursday, 20 September 2012

Underskattat

Vet ni vad som är underskattat? Vanlig ost. Det händer att man glömmer bort att det är totalt delikat, men det är faktiskt helt tokigt gott med bara en smörgås av färskt vitt bröd, smör och red cheddar, en bastardiserad ostavkomma man äter på Irland. Ost. Så enkelt, så gott. Jag berättade en gång för min chef på jobbet att jag tyckte ost var godare än glass och han svarade "yeah, but it's easier to lick ice cream off someone than to lick cheese. Ever tried to lick a cheese sandwich off a lover? No? Don't." Givetvis har jag tillbringat resten av mitt liv med att försöka övertyga mina älskare att vi borde ta med ostmackan in i sovrummet.

Andra saker som är underskattade är:
  1. Användandet av Columbos detektivteknik i vardagliga livet.
  2. Lee Hazlewood. Fast han är ju ingen sak.
  3. En jäkla massa filmrelaterade saker jag inte tänker tjafsa om nu. 

Jag hittade en text jag skrev på facebook när jag var bakfull på jobbet 2009. Jag önskar att jag mindes vad den handlade om.

"I'm really, really dizzy.
Yesterday afternoon I went to collect my MP3 from Andrea. Andrea's great, but she's very much into Temple Bar which I hate. So her greatness sort of levels out on OK because she's great in a crap enviroment. We went for a snack and a coffee and after that we had ONE drink, just ONE drink in the crap pub the Quays Inn (located on the quays, the imaginative bastards).
When I woke up this morning and tried to puzzle the night together (man, that ONE drink was baad, baaaad for Lisa) I noticed a good few things, and along the way I've realized I'm barred from the Quays Inn for life.
I head butted someone.
Why did I head butt that person? Who was he? And who tried to call me last night and was identified on my phone as 'Guy Guy'? What's that pack of roses doing over there? Why is my mobile sticky and not working?
My coat smells like grandma.
Well, I seemed to have been having a good night. I also seemed to have been irresistably sexy with a raving, unique kind of attractiveness only ever mentioned as 'it'. I had 'it'. In fact, I was so glowing of 'it' that no one threw me out when I head butted that person (whoever THAT was). I also managed to get promises of sex by the two shaggable men in the pub, one of which having shoes made of silver.
Today I'm full of hang over thoughts. I can't focus on my job because I'm so full of thoughts. Like what is it you really die of when you get cancer?
There is a girl working with me. She looks like a seal and I'm wondering if she sounds like a seal when she's making love.
I saw a woman with an obvious eating disorder jogging to work in what appeared to be a wet suit for scuba diving when I was trying not to fall over (sitting down) on the Luas on my way to work. I'm wondering if you can see something through her stomach when she's making love because she's so thin.
I remember waking up dying of a thirst this morning, and I was too dizzy to go get some water for myself. I had to practically elbow-drop my boyfriend and lie about him snoring so he could get me some water now that he was awake anyway. You weren't snoring, baby. It was me. I was thirsty. What will you do when you discover that you're actually snoring surprisingly seldom and it's not coincidental that I want something every time you snore? I hope you'll never mind out and that you're lying every time you mention being on Facebook.
I remember my old stalker, Michael. Michael bought his 2 year old son a puppy dog for his birthday and descibed it as '600 euro the little cunt set me back'. He's been very quiet these days. I wonder if he's moved on to another stalker victim. I still have some texts on my phone from him. They all say 'Well hi Sexy, I can see you'. We wrote a song about him.
I remember that period in time when everyone thought I was a prostitute and asked me for my prive all the time. That was odd because I was quite fat back in those days and dressed in long skirts and my ex's jumpers to hide the cellulites.
I'm thinking about food I've eaten over the years to get rid of hang overs. Choco Pops is a classic. KFC was a good one. Kebab pizza is brilliant.
I'm wondering if there is any chance of getting any of these here so I can eat it at my desk. I don't think there is.
I think I'm getting old. In a few years worms will eat my flesh and I will turn into worm poo"

2009 var ju ganska så länge sen. Tänk. Redan då brukade jag sparka min stackars man, ljuga om att han snarkade och sedan be honom att hämta vatten eller dylikt så att jag skulle förlåta honom. Jag trodde jag började med det ganska nyligen, men nej.

Dags att sova lite. 

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